Is it weird that when i watch The Parent Trap, i pretend i'm the twins Lindsay Lohan played. yes both of them. a lot of people probably do it. lol no probably not. i wonder if it's true that if you're born left handed, you once had a twin that died. o0oo0o0oo000oo SPOOKY. oh boy. i've had too much green tea and black coffee today and too little food. LOL JUST KIDDING. i've had just the right amount of food. none. well, no that's a lie. i had two grapes and five pieces of cantelope before work. but i worked it all off running around putting books back on their shelves and working out when i got home. so it doesn't really matter. ANYWA. ugh. i hate that. my history teacher from last year used to always say anywa. "it's a word i made myself, a mix between anyway, and anywho" UH NO BITCH WHERE THE FUCK DOES THE "WAH" PART COME FROM. bitchez be carayzeeee.
WELLLL, i'm off to go watch that 70's show and then paint some weird, morbid picture and pretend it even matters.
i've never really liked demi lovato. she never really stood out to me and i always felt like her music was for younger kids. but, since her whole eating disorder/self harm/depression and everything came out, i've gained a lot of respect for her. not only because of the fact that she's had to deal with all of this for so long, but i just always thought of her as just another disney "star" pretending to be a celebrity. but now i realize that she's just a regular 18 year old, struggling with what so many young girls and women are struggling with. and i know from experience that it's definitly not an easy thing to do. and i kinda look up to her now, you know for being able to talk so openly about everything.
normally i'd write some long drawn out explanation as to why i want to shove my brain into a locked box and throw away the key. but i haven't had one wink of sleep in 6 days and i'm too exhausted to get into it. i'm off to go stare at a wall for 8 hours. oh well. sleep is for the week.
so i'd say today was a pretty successful day. i had five pieces of cantelope for breakfast, skipped lunch, three cups of zero calorie green tea, and had a handful of grapes and peas for dinner. i burned 550 calories on the ellyptical too. i managed to not bingge today either, so i didn't have to purge or overexercise. which i'm kinda glad about because my muscles are still recovering from last night. oh welll, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..
which is actually funny because in this case, it really does make me stronger. and usuallly when people say that, they know that it probably won't. well at least for me...
sometimes i feel like putting all my emotions into one a bottle and sending it away into the ocean. like a ship in a bottle. i'd just send them floating farther and farther away. deeper into the ocean they'd go. it would be as if by some magical force, the weight would be lifted right off my shoulders, all the pain seeping slowly from my fingertips as i pull my hands away from the already traveling bottle...